Hello, operator?

Me: Hello, this is Mike.

Caller: Is this the Internet?

Me: I’m sorry?

Caller: Is this the Internet or Microsoft?

Me: Um, I work at Microsoft.

Caller: Well we have a problem.

Me: Okay..?

Caller: It’s the hackers.

Me: The hackers?

Caller: Yes, they’ve taken over my machine, deleted everything, taken away my Internet, and they’re still in there right now. We’ve got to get them out!

Me: I’m not sure how you got this number, but…

Caller: From Chicago.

Me: Right, but I don’t think I’m the person that can help you.

Caller: We can’t do anything here with the hackers still in there!

Me: But I don’t know how to get the hackers out. Hold on one second and I’ll see if I can find a number to give you.

Me: (searching google for: windows support contact)

Me: Ma’am? I have a number for free Windows phone support. It’s 866-PC-SAFETY.

Caller: 8-6-6-what?

Me: 866-PC-S-A-F-E-T-Y.

Caller: P-C-S-A-F-E-T-what

Me: Um, does your phone have letters on the keypad?

Caller: No! My phone has numbers on the keypad!

Me: Okay, so that’s um 8-6-6 um, 7-2-7-2-3-3-8-9.

Caller: 8-6-6-7-2-7-2-3-3-8-9.

Me: Yes that’s it.

Caller: Is this a free call from Canada?

Me: I guess. I don’t really know how toll free numbers work outside of the US.

Caller: I don’t want to pay for it.

Me: I’m sure it’s free.

Caller: It’s too long.

Me: Oh yeah you can just drop off the last 9. You can just call 866-727-2338.

Caller: Well that’s not what you said before.

Me: Yes. I’m sorry about that, but just call 866-727-2338 and they’ll be able to help you out. Okay?

Caller: Oh alright.

Me: Thanks. Good luck.

Caller: -click-